


Can nobody hear me? (I've got a lot that's on my mind)

by xPhoenixFlamex



Category: Naruto
Genre: A look inside Sasuke's mind, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, The Archive Warning is just for descriptions of canon violence, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, i guess?, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 13:25:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14955516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xPhoenixFlamex/pseuds/xPhoenixFlamex
Summary: It isn’t like any of them actually care about him. If they did maybe they would have asked him once since that night if he was okay, rather than cleaned up the bodies and wiped away the blood and pretend like they didn’t leave him alone with the ghosts of the Uchiha and the memories of never being enough.(Why does Naruto pretend to care so much?)A look inside Sasuke's mind from before the Uchiha Massacre to the final fight at the Valley of the End.





	Can nobody hear me? (I've got a lot that's on my mind)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Hear Me by Imagine Dragons
> 
> Warning: Dark thoughts, depictions of canon violence, and poor editing. This is a vent fic for me, so there's probably an equal amount of angst and grammatical errors.

Uchiha Sasuke is born as the second son of the head of one of the founding clans of Konoha.

He is also born a disappointment.

He fails wherever Itachi succeeds, and when he does succeed it just isn’t enough _._ He is never enough. He isn’t enough for his dad to notice him. He isn’t enough for his clan to recognize him like they did his brother. He isn’t enough for his brother to take time out of his day to train.

He isn’t _enough._ Almost? Maybe, but he doubts it. The gap between him and Itachi is far too great for that.

He aces every academy test. He nails the bullseye of every target. He memorizes every jutsu and masters it faster than his academy teachers could have ever predicted.

He is a genius.

_Itachi is better._

* * *

 

Uchiha Itachi is a genius. A prodigy.

He is also a murderer who kills their entire family one night before leaving Sasuke alone. He leaves the younger boy in a district too far from the village and now painted a red that is not the same shade as their clan crest.

He leaves Sasuke struggling to breathe among the cooling bodies of his family.

_He leaves Sasuke._

Because Sasuke isn’t enough to stop him. Isn’t enough to beat him.

Isn’t enough to _make him stay,_ whether it be through love or combat.

Sasuke isn’t enough.

After that night, Sasuke finds he can’t love anymore.

* * *

 

No one understands Sasuke.

He is boxed up, labeled, and filed away by each person he met before he even meets their eyes.

 _Troubled genius._ They call him. _Tragic hero._

Troubled? He is _scarred._ He has had to run through the streets of a part of Konoha where dead bodies of people of _all ages_ litter the streets and confront the fact that his brother - the only one who might have acknowledged him, might have _loved_ him - is the one that killed them.

That his brother is a psychopath and he hadn’t been able to see it because he _wasn’t good enough._

He isn’t a hero, he wants to scream at them. He’s _broken_ and _can’t love_ and _destroyed._

Not that they’d listen, of course. People rarely listen to him. Sure, they step aside when he walks. They respect him. They treat him properly.

But they aren’t really seeing _him._ They aren’t seeing Sasuke.

They are seeing the last Uchiha, the last of a powerful clan that once rivaled the Senju themselves _._ The last loyal one of a bloodline famous for its incredibly powerful dōjutsu.

They see him as a tool. A useful, deadly one.

He can’t argue with them. He agrees he isn’t enough to be a person.

Besides, what are shinobi really beside human weapons?

Take away the human part and you get him.

Humans love. He doesn’t.

So he allows himself to be their weapon. At least then he’ll have the chance to be the one to strike down _That Man._

(Because he can’t think of him as _Itachi._ Itachi means forehead pokes and _I’m sorry Sasuke_ and Sasuke not being enough to stop his entire family dying. _That Man_ is simply a psychopathic murderer.)

* * *

 

They don’t respect his goal, his _dream._ They don’t see why Sasuke _has_ to be the one to kill _That Man_. They call him blinded by vengeance, too overcome by hatred.

 _Him?_ Overcome by hatred? _That Man_ is the one who very nearly committed genocide just to test himself and _Sasuke_ is the one with too much hate?

 _Too chaotic._ They call him. _Too reckless._

They just don’t like that their _precious Uchiha_ finally decided that even if he was a weapon, _a tool,_ he won’t let Konohagakure wield him.

And now that he’s finally getting the power to kill _That Man, Sasuke_ has gone too far? _That Man_ committed a Massacre but if Sasuke tries to kill him he’s suddenly the bad guy? He’s overstepped the boundaries?

Fine. He won’t spend time trying to figure out Konoha’s twisted and backward way of thinking. What did they matter? _They_ were the ones that didn’t see as _That Man_ snapped. _They_ didn’t stop _That Man_ from killing all of their _his_ family.

They had just expected him to play nice. Play the loyal little genin and pretend like there hadn’t been _so many bodies_ and _so much blood._

It isn’t like any of them actually care about _him._ If they did maybe they would have asked him _once_ since that night if he was okay, rather than cleaned up the bodies and wiped away the blood and pretend like they didn’t leave him alone with the ghosts of the Uchiha and the memories of never being _enough_.

(Why does Naruto pretend to care so much?)

* * *

 

He grows stronger. He trains.

He’s not even the one to kill _That Man._ He was trying to let Sasuke win. He was sick and dying. He was blind.

_And Sasuke still couldn’t beat him._

_That Man_ dies, and in doing so gains one final victory over Sasuke and solidifies the idea that Sasuke will never be enough to save anything, so all he can do is destroy.

(He doesn’t understand why Naruto is trying to save him. He can’t be saved. He hasn’t been able to be saved since he walked into the Uchiha District and saw more ghosts than people there.)

* * *

 

He was never attached to Konoha or it’s people.

They neglected him. Left him with the ghosts. Talked of _teamwork_ but never tried to understand him. Acted self-righteous and powerful but hadn’t earned an ounce of it.

Then he finds out that they were the reason _That M-_ Itachi. _Itachi._ They were the reason his _brother Itachi_ killed their entire clan. Their _family._

They were the reason that Sasuke spent his entire life surrounded by people and alone. The reason why Sasuke would never be able to be acknowledged by his parents. Why he would never gain the comradery of his clan.

They watched Sasuke from afar. Gave him meaningless respect so he would stay complacent. Fawned over him because he was _scarred_ and _ruined_ and _hadn’t been able to save his family._

They never cared for Sasuke. Not really. Not in the way his clan might’ve been able to.

So Sasuke didn’t care for them.

(Not even the idiot Uzumaki. He didn’t. He _didn’t._ He just wanted to fight him to assert his own strength. To show Konoha that even if he wasn’t enough he was still stronger than their _hero.)_

* * *

 

Itachi comes back but he’s too busy fighting Kabuto to talk to him.

So he helps. He helps and tries to push away the part of him that hopes Itachi will look at him and tell him he’s strong because _he’s not a kid anymore. He’s a missing-nin and has his own group._ He doesn’t need affirmation from his brother of his strength.

He starts to love Itachi again, but at the same time he’s too hardened and too broken to do anything but _hate._

So he hates Konoha _more._ For hurting him, for hurting _Itachi._ For manipulating and twisting him and _using_ him.

So he vows to destroy the village. He looks at the back of Itachi’s head and swears he’ll destroy it even if his brother (because that’s what Itachi is - his _brother)_ doesn't want him to. His brother has been blinded and used and can’t see the truth but Sasuke can.

His brother doesn’t look at him, and merely continues to command Kabuto to release the Edo Tensei. To release _him_ and have him leave Sasuke all over again.

Because in the end, he isn't strong enough for his brother to acknowledge.

His brother then releases the jutsu, then turns around and confirms that he did do it all. That he killed his clan for the village. That he _murdered them all for Konoha._

And then his eyes caught his brother’s and he saw Itachi’s memories.

Shisui. The Council. Danzō.

_The Massacre._

His parents, accepting Itachi.

_Acknowledging him even as he kills them._

And then he’s out of it, and _Itachi_ acknowledges _him._

Itachi _acknowledges_ him _._

He acknowledges him then wraps his arm around him and presses their foreheads together and say that he doesn’t have to forgive him, and no matter what he will love him.

And it doesn’t make _sense._ Sasuke’s not enough. He can’t love or be loved.

He can’t love, he can only hate. He can’t create, he can only destroy.

* * *

 

He tries. He tries to help.

He brings back the hokages. He goes to the battlefield himself.

He wonders how one loves, how one declares their loyalty to the village. How one has _friends_ and is _good._

He says he wants to be Hokage.

(That was what Naruto always did, wasn’t it?)

* * *

He messes up. He already _messed up._

But no one trusts him and Naruto is still stronger and Itachi loves him and _he doesn’t deserve that love._

So he resolves himself to be content with forever being the villain.

* * *

 

His arm is gone.

Naruto cares.

_Naruto cares about him._

His clan was dead because of him. Itachi had been manipulated and he hadn’t seen it. He could barely kill one of the elders. He wasn’t strong enough to destroy Konoha, rule it, or be a worthy enough enemy of it.

He wasn’t enough. He _isn’t_ enough.

And Naruto still cared. Still _cares._

Sasuke hasn’t been able to love properly since the massacre but Naruto somehow _doesn’t care._

He looks at the blonde boy. The boy that called him _bastard_ but also _brother._ The boy that saw him as a rival but also saw him as _family._

(The boy who never gave up on him even long after Sasuke gave up on himself.)

Sasuke hasn’t had a family since the massacre.

But maybe he’s willing to try and create one.

You can, after all, only destroy so much.

He’s so destroyed and broken that there’s nothing left.

So he has no choice but to _build_.

And maybe one day Sasuke will be able to love again.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is @xphoenixwritingx so feel free to talk to me there.


End file.
